I can create anxiety, if I move to quickly.
I can create panic, if I only focus on my agenda.
I can create mistrust, if I am too forceful.
I can create frustration, if I do not release the pressure.
I can create confusion, if I am not clear and consistent.
I can create a buck, if I don't listen.
As I have worked through the stages, I have been careful to stay within his comfort zone. I do press him a little but only to expand that zone. I am very aware that too much, too quickly can send him into a state of panic. My overall goal is to teach him, which requires some pressure. But not to the point that he gets lost and starts to fight for survival.
As I reflect on the relationships in my life, I wonder how I have contaminated them. Are those around me fighting for survival? It is not easy to look within and examine my selfish intent towards another. Could it be that my adding additional pressure in conflict or self seeking agenda, has created a buck from the ones I love the most.
I have had one moment when Rio bucked and his rider took a tumble. He was grazing and his rider moved her leg too far back and applied pressure, which startled him. His rider had a big heart and instead of remaining on his back, she bailed. He desperately needed her to get off, so she took a gentle tumble in the grass and he settled immediately. After giving him a few moments to collect himself, he was happy to accept his rider again.
There are many different ways to control a horse, just like there are many ways to control a family. I can create a fearful structure that includes painful penalties for not submitting. I can create a method of bribery that manipulates horse and human to obey or I can initiate a true connection and a heart centered approached.
Rio is mine so I can do what I want. I could certainly throw a saddle on him and ram a bit in his mouth. I can carry a whip in my hand and ride him as long and as hard as it takes for him to give in. He is mine so I can be as harsh as I want to.
If this is how I would treat my horse, how am I handling my relationships. Am I screaming at my children to get their attention? Was I chasing my former spouse around the house to insist he listen to my point of view, one more time? Am I degrading my children or their father because I can't get my needs met? Do I have a hard heart which is creating an inconsistency within me, thus generating confusion for my loved ones? Am I struggling with self worth to the point that I shame those I love in private, so long as they glorify me in public?
If I choose to train in such ways, then why am I surprised when they buck? If training and matters of the heart are not first guided from compassion and tenderness, then why am I surprised that my kids hide in their rooms and that my former husband would find refuge in the basement?
I can hope that a reasonable request, results in a reasonable outcome. Though life and people are not that predictable. Contributing to my relationships must out way the contamination, in order to avoid devastation. Can I take responsibility for the wreck I have fabricated or will I blame those interfering with my agenda?
The truth can be hard when it is starring straight at us. But our God doesn't show us the truth to shame us. Not in the way the world would describe shame. He flashes a light into our darkness to expose what is hidden and help begin the restoration. Jesus loves us. It is a love like no other. If He is poking around within your heart to reveal what hinders, try not to snuff Him out. His agenda is not self seeking but it is to restore what has dissembled and crumbled apart. Search deep, make amends and start fresh. In His strength alone you will find true connection and an approach that melts the heart of the ones you love.
John 3:30 "He must increase but I must decrease"